Best Parking Spot Finder
Awarded for locating premium parking with minimal circling.
The internet's most unnecessary fan club
JUSTIN MY BUTT.COM
A completely serious digital institute dedicated to sitting, sofa supervision, questionable science, and one legendary rear end.
BREAKING: JUSTIN SAT DOWN•CHAIRS REMAIN IMPRESSED•SOFA TESTING CONTINUES•BREAKING: JUSTIN SAT DOWN•CHAIRS REMAIN IMPRESSED•SOFA TESTING CONTINUES•
Peer-reviewed by absolutely no one
Butt Science
Click each card to reveal data that may or may not survive basic fact-checking.
Highly advanced analytics
Confidence vs. Number of Cushions
Our research shows a direct relationship between cushion availability and overall Justin performance.
CONFIDENCE
NUMBER OF CUSHIONS →
An achievement in every seat
The Hall of Fame
Professional Couch Tester
Every cushion receives a full, unbiased, sit-down evaluation.
Chair Inspector General
Dedicated to comfort, stability, and snacks within reach.
Rear of the Year
A lifetime achievement award. No recounts will be accepted.
Official title generator
Discover Your Place in Butt History
Press the button and receive the professional title your résumé has always been missing.
Certified Seat Cushion
“I came for the domain name. I stayed because the chair was comfortable.” — A totally real visitor
Questions nobody needed answered
Frequently Asked Butts
Is Justin real?
Probably. Our legal department advised us not to investigate too aggressively.
Why does this website exist?
Because the domain was available, the joke was inevitable, and the internet demanded answers.
Can I submit my own butt title?
Absolutely. Shout it dramatically at your screen and consider it submitted.
Is any of the science accurate?
The chart has bars, labels, and percentages. That is basically science.